Sir Toby Belch's lines in Twelfth Night

Sir Toby Belch. What a plague means my niece, to take the death of her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemy to life.

Sir Toby Belch. Why, let her except, before excepted.

Sir Toby Belch. Confine! I'll confine myself no finer than I am: these clothes are good enough to drink in; and so be these boots too: an they be not, let them hang themselves in their own straps.

Sir Toby Belch. Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?

Sir Toby Belch. He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria.

Sir Toby Belch. Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.

Sir Toby Belch. Fie, that you'll say so! he plays o' the viol-de-gamboys, and speaks three or four languages word for word without book, and hath all the good gifts of nature.

Sir Toby Belch. By this hand, they are scoundrels and subtractors that say so of him. Who are they?

Sir Toby Belch. With drinking healths to my niece: I'll drink to her as long as there is a passage in my throat and drink in Illyria: he's a coward and a coystrill that will not drink to my niece till his brains turn o' the toe like a parish-top. What, wench! Castiliano vulgo! for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.

Sir Toby Belch. Sweet Sir Andrew!

Sir Toby Belch. Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.

Sir Toby Belch. My niece's chambermaid.

Sir Toby Belch. You mistake, knight; 'accost' is front her, board her, woo her, assail her.

Sir Toby Belch. An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou mightst never draw sword again.

Sir Toby Belch. O knight thou lackest a cup of canary: when did I see thee so put down?

Sir Toby Belch. No question.

Sir Toby Belch. Pourquoi, my dear knight?

Sir Toby Belch. Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.

Sir Toby Belch. Past question; for thou seest it will not curl by nature.

Sir Toby Belch. Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I hope to see a housewife take thee between her legs and spin it off.

Sir Toby Belch. Thou needst not have ... She'll none o' the count: she'll not match above her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I have heard her swear't. Tut, there's life in't, man.

Sir Toby Belch. Art thou good at these kickshaws, knight?

Sir Toby Belch. What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?

Sir Toby Belch. And I can cut the mutton to't.

Sir Toby Belch. Wherefore are these things hid? wheresoever have these gifts a curtain before 'em? are they like to take dust, like Mistress Mall's picture? why dost not thou go to church in a galliard and come home in a coranto?

My very walk should be a jig; I would not so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace. What dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.

Sir Toby Belch. What shall we do else? were we not born under Taurus?

Sir Toby Belch. No, sir; it is legs and thighs. Let me see the caper; ha! higher: ha, ha! excellent!

Sir Toby Belch. A gentleman.

Sir Toby Belch. 'Tis a gentle man here--a plague o' these pickle-herring! How now, sot!

Sir Toby Belch. Lechery! I defy lechery. There's one at the gate.

Sir Toby Belch. Let him be the devil, an he will, I care not: give me faith, say I. Well, it's all one.

Sir Toby Belch. Approach, Sir Andrew: not to be abed after midnight is to be up betimes; and 'diluculo surgere,' thou know'st,--

Sir Toby Belch. A false conclusion: I hate it as an unfilled can. To be up after midnight and to go to bed then, is early: so that to go to bed after midnight is to go to bed betimes. Does not our life consist of the four elements?

Sir Toby Belch. Thou'rt a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink. Marian, I say! a stoup of wine!

Sir Toby Belch. Welcome, ass. Now let's have a catch.

Sir Toby Belch. Come on; there is sixpence for you: let's have a song.

Sir Toby Belch. A love-song, a love-song.

Sir Toby Belch. Good, good.

Sir Toby Belch. A contagious breath.

Sir Toby Belch. To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion. But shall we make the welkin dance indeed? shall we rouse the night-owl in a catch that will draw three souls out of one weaver? shall we do that?

Sir Toby Belch. My lady's a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio's a Peg-a-Ramsey, and 'Three merry men be we.' Am not I consanguineous? am I not of her blood? Tillyvally. Lady!

'There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady!'

Sir Toby Belch. [Sings] 'O, the twelfth day of December,'--

Sir Toby Belch. We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up!

Sir Toby Belch. 'Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone.'

Sir Toby Belch. 'But I will never die.'

Sir Toby Belch. 'Shall I bid him go?'

Sir Toby Belch. 'Shall I bid him go, and spare not?'

Sir Toby Belch. Out o' tune, sir: ye lie. Art any more than a steward? Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?

Sir Toby Belch. Thou't i' the right. Go, sir, rub your chain with crumbs. A stoup of wine, Maria!

Sir Toby Belch. Do't, knight: I'll write thee a challenge: or I'll deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth.

Sir Toby Belch. Possess us, possess us; tell us something of him.

Sir Toby Belch. What, for being a puritan? thy exquisite reason, dear knight?

Sir Toby Belch. What wilt thou do?

Sir Toby Belch. Excellent! I smell a device.

Sir Toby Belch. He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop, that they come from my niece, and that she's in love with him.

Sir Toby Belch. Good night, Penthesilea.

Sir Toby Belch. She's a beagle, true-bred, and one that adores me: what o' that?

Sir Toby Belch. Let's to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for more money.

Sir Toby Belch. Send for money, knight: if thou hast her not i' the end, call me cut.

Sir Toby Belch. Come, come, I'll go burn sack; 'tis too late to go to bed now: come, knight; come, knight.

Sir Toby Belch. Come thy ways, Signior Fabian.

Sir Toby Belch. Wouldst thou not be glad to have the niggardly rascally sheep-biter come by some notable shame?

Sir Toby Belch. To anger him we'll have the bear again; and we will fool him black and blue: shall we not, Sir Andrew?

Sir Toby Belch. Here comes the little villain.

How now, my metal of India!

Sir Toby Belch. Here's an overweening rogue!

Sir Toby Belch. Peace, I say.

Sir Toby Belch. Ah, rogue!

Sir Toby Belch. Peace, peace!

Sir Toby Belch. O, for a stone-bow, to hit him in the eye!

Sir Toby Belch. Fire and brimstone!

Sir Toby Belch. Bolts and shackles!

Sir Toby Belch. Shall this fellow live?

Sir Toby Belch. And does not Toby take you a blow o' the lips then?

Sir Toby Belch. What, what?

Sir Toby Belch. Out, scab!

Sir Toby Belch. O, peace! and the spirit of humour intimate reading aloud to him!

Sir Toby Belch. Marry, hang thee, brock!

Sir Toby Belch. Excellent wench, say I.

Sir Toby Belch. And with what wing the staniel cheques at it!

Sir Toby Belch. O, ay, make up that: he is now at a cold scent.

Sir Toby Belch. Ay, or I'll cudgel him, and make him cry O!

Sir Toby Belch. I could marry this wench for this device.

Sir Toby Belch. And ask no other dowry with her but such another jest.

Sir Toby Belch. Wilt thou set thy foot o' my neck?

Sir Toby Belch. Shall I play my freedom at traytrip, and become thy bond-slave?

Sir Toby Belch. Why, thou hast put him in such a dream, that when the image of it leaves him he must run mad.

Sir Toby Belch. Like aqua-vitae with a midwife.

Sir Toby Belch. To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil of wit!

Sir Toby Belch. Save you, gentleman.

Sir Toby Belch. Will you encounter the house? my niece is desirous you should enter, if your trade be to her.

Sir Toby Belch. Taste your legs, sir; put them to motion.

Sir Toby Belch. I mean, to go, sir, to enter.

Sir Toby Belch. Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.

Sir Toby Belch. Did she see thee the while, old boy? tell me that.

Sir Toby Belch. And they have been grand-jury-men since before Noah was a sailor.

Sir Toby Belch. Why, then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis of valour. Challenge me the count's youth to fight with him; hurt him in eleven places: my niece shall take note of it; and assure thyself, there is no love-broker in the world can more prevail in man's commendation with woman than report of valour.

Sir Toby Belch. Go, write it in a martial hand; be curst and brief; it is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent and fun of invention: taunt him with the licence of ink: if thou thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be amiss; and as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of paper, although the sheet were big enough for the bed of Ware in England, set 'em down: go, about it.

Let there be gall enough in thy ink, though thou write with a goose-pen, no matter: about it.

Sir Toby Belch. We'll call thee at the cubiculo: go.

Sir Toby Belch. I have been dear to him, lad, some two thousand strong, or so.

Sir Toby Belch. Never trust me, then; and by all means stir on the youth to an answer. I think oxen and wainropes cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were opened, and you find so much blood in his liver as will clog the foot of a flea, I'll eat the rest of the anatomy.

Sir Toby Belch. Look, where the youngest wren of nine comes.

Sir Toby Belch. And cross-gartered?

Sir Toby Belch. Come, bring us, bring us where he is.

Sir Toby Belch. Is't possible?

Sir Toby Belch. What wouldst thou have done, Toby?

Sir Toby Belch. I bid you never, sir: but yet, I'll — Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound. My niece is already in the belief that he's mad: we may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on him: at which time we will bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a finder of madmen. But see, see.

Sir Toby Belch. Good, and valiant.

Sir Toby Belch. A good robustious challenge; it would do one good to see it.

Sir Toby Belch. Nay, let me read it. [Reads] '— remember who commended thy yellow stockings, and wished to see thee cross-gartered: and see thee safe, farewell. Go with me whither thou wilt; speed thee, servant.' Which way is he?

Sir Toby Belch. He is thinking of this matter: come, bring us, bring us where he is.

Why, what's the matter? does he rave?

Sir Toby Belch. Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion himself possessed him, yet I'll speak to him.

Sir Toby Belch. Go to, go to; peace, peace; we must deal gently with him: let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? how is't with you? What, man! defy the devil: consider, he's an enemy to mankind.

Sir Toby Belch. How now, art thou mad? Or man's name! Prithee, hold thy peace; this is not the way: do you not see you move him? let me alone with him.

Sir Toby Belch. Why, how now, my bawcock! how dost thou, chuck?

Sir Toby Belch. Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man! 'tis not for gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan: hang him, foul collier!

Sir Toby Belch. Is't possible?

Sir Toby Belch. His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man.

Sir Toby Belch. Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound. My niece is already in the belief that he's mad: we may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on him: at which time we will bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a finder of madmen. But see, but see.

Sir Toby Belch. Give me.

'Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.'

Sir Toby Belch. [Reads] 'Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't.'

Sir Toby Belch. [Reads] 'Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy throat; that is not the matter I challenge thee for.'

Sir Toby Belch. [Reads] 'I will waylay thee going home; where if it be thy chance to kill me,'--

Sir Toby Belch. [Reads] 'Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.'

Sir Toby Belch. [Reads] 'Fare thee well; and God have mercy upon one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy, ANDREW AGUECHEEK. If this letter move him not, his legs cannot: I'll give't him.

Sir Toby Belch. Go, Sir Andrew: scout me for him at the corner the orchard like a bum-baily: so soon as ever thou seest him, draw; and, as thou drawest swear horrible; for it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him. Away!

Sir Toby Belch. Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behavior of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding; his employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less: therefore this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth: he will find it comes from a clodpole.

But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable report of valour; and drive the gentleman, as I know his youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury and impetuosity. This will so fright them both that they will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices.

Sir Toby Belch. I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a challenge.

Sir Toby Belch. Gentleman, God save thee.

Sir Toby Belch. That defence thou hast, betake thee to't: of what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as the hunter, attends thee at the orchard-end: dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for thy assailant is quick, skilful and deadly.

Sir Toby Belch. You'll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore, if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard; for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill and wrath can furnish man withhal.

Sir Toby Belch. He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and on carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and his incensement at this moment is so implacable, that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepulchre. Hob, nob, is his word; give't or take't.

Sir Toby Belch. Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a very competent injury: therefore, get you on and give him his desire. Back you shall not to the house, unless you undertake that with me which with as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on, or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.

Sir Toby Belch. I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this gentleman till my return.

Sir Toby Belch. Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard and all, and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal motion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they step on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy.

Sir Toby Belch. Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian can scarce hold him yonder.

Sir Toby Belch. I'll make the motion: stand here, make a good show on't: this shall end without the perdition of souls.

Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you.

I have his horse to take up the quarrel: I have persuaded him the youth's a devil.

Sir Toby Belch. ([To VIOLA]) There's no remedy, sir; he will fight with you for't oath sake: marry, he hath better bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, for the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt you.

Sir Toby Belch. Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you; he cannot by the duello avoid it: but he has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will not hurt you. Come on; to't.

Sir Toby Belch. You, sir! why, what are you?

Sir Toby Belch. Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.

Sir Toby Belch. I'll be with you anon.

Sir Toby Belch. Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian: we'll whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws.

Sir Toby Belch. A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than a hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving his friend here in necessity and denying him; and for his cowardship, ask Fabian.

Sir Toby Belch. Do; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.

Sir Toby Belch. I dare lay any money 'twill be nothing yet.

Sir Toby Belch. Hold, sir, or I'll throw your dagger o'er the house.

Sir Toby Belch. Come on, sir; hold.

Sir Toby Belch. Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young soldier, put up your iron: you are well fleshed; come on.

Sir Toby Belch. What, what? Nay, then I must have an ounce or two of this malapert blood from you.

Sir Toby Belch. Madam!

Sir Toby Belch. Jove bless thee, master Parson.

Sir Toby Belch. To him, Sir Topas.

Sir Toby Belch. The knave counterfeits well; a good knave.

Sir Toby Belch. Well said, Master Parson.

Sir Toby Belch. My most exquisite Sir Topas!

Sir Toby Belch. To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou findest him: I would we were well rid of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would he were, for I am now so far in offence with my niece that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber.

Sir Toby Belch. That's all one: has hurt me, and there's the end on't. Sot, didst see Dick surgeon, sot?

Sir Toby Belch. Then he's a rogue, and a passy measures panyn: I hate a drunken rogue.

Sir Toby Belch. Will you help? an ass-head and a coxcomb and a knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull!