Fabian This is, to give a dog, and in recompense desire my dog again.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. Belong you to the Lady Olivia, friends?
Clown Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. I know thee well; how dost thou, my good fellow?
Clown Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse for my friends.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. Just the contrary; the better for thy friends.
Clown No, sir, the worse.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. How can that be?
Clown Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me; now my foes tell plainly I am an ass: so that by my foes, sir I profit in the knowledge of myself, and by my friends, I am abused: so that, conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives make your two affirmatives why then, the worse for my friends and the better for my foes.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. Why, this is excellent.
Clown By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be one of my friends.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. Thou shalt not be the worse for me: there's gold.
Clown But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would you could make it another.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. O, you give me ill counsel.
Clown Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once, and let your flesh and blood obey it.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. Well, I will be so much a sinner, to be a double-dealer: there's another.
Clown Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex, sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of Saint Bennet, sir, may put you in mind; one, two, three.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. You can fool no more money out of me at this throw: if you will let your lady know I am here to speak with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake my bounty further.
Viola Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. That face of his I do remember well; Yet, when I saw it last, it was besmear'd As black as Vulcan in the smoke of war: A bawbling vessel was he captain of, For shallow draught and bulk unprizable; With which such scathful grapple did he make With the most noble bottom of our fleet, That very envy and the tongue of loss Cried fame and honour on him. What's the matter?
Viola He did me kindness, sir, drew on my side; But in conclusion put strange speech upon me: I know not what 'twas but distraction.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. Notable pirate! thou salt-water thief! What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies, Whom thou, in terms so bloody and so dear, Hast made thine enemies?
Viola How can this be?
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. When came he to this town?
Antonio To-day, my lord; and for three months before, No interim, not a minute's vacancy, Both day and night did we keep company.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. Here comes the countess: now heaven walks on earth. But for thee, fellow; fellow, thy words are madness: Three months this youth hath tended upon me; But more of that anon. Take him aside.
Viola Madam!
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. Gracious Olivia,--
Olivia If it be aught to the old tune, my lord, It is as fat and fulsome to mine ear As howling after music.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. Still so cruel?
Olivia Still so constant, lord.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. What, to perverseness? you uncivil lady, To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars My soul the faithfull'st offerings hath breathed out That e'er devotion tender'd! What shall I do?
Olivia Even what it please my lord, that shall become him.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. Why should I not, had I the heart to do it, Like to the Egyptian thief at point of death, Kill what I love?--a savage jealousy That sometimes savours nobly.
But hear me this: Since you to non-regardance cast my faith, And that I partly know the instrument That screws me from my true place in your favour, Live you the marble-breasted tyrant still; But this your minion, whom I know you love, And whom, by heaven I swear, I tender dearly, Him will I tear out of that cruel eye, Where he sits crowned in his master's spite.
Come, boy, with me; my thoughts are ripe in mischief: I'll sacrifice the lamb that I do love, To spite a raven's heart within a dove.
Olivia Hast thou forgot thyself? is it so long? Call forth the holy father.
Duke Orsino
Olivia Whither, my lord? Cesario, husband, stay.
Duke Orsino
Olivia Ay, husband: can he that deny?
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. Her husband, sirrah!
Priest A contract of eternal bond of love, Confirm'd by mutual joinder of your hands, Attested by the holy close of lips, Strengthen'd by interchange of your rings; And all the ceremony of this compact Seal'd in my function, by my testimony: Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my grave I have travell'd but two hours.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. O thou dissembling cub! what wilt thou be When time hath sow'd a grizzle on thy case? Or will not else thy craft so quickly grow, That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow? Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet Where thou and I henceforth may never meet.
Sir Andrew The count's gentleman, one Cesario: we took him for a coward, but he's the very devil incardinate.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. My gentleman, Cesario?
Sir Andrew Here comes Sir Toby halting; you shall hear more: but if he had not been in drink, he would have tickled you othergates than he did.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. How now, gentleman! how isn't with you?
Sebastian I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman: But, had it been the brother of my blood, I must have done no less with wit and safety. You throw a regard upon me, and by that I do perceive it hath offended you: Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows We made each other but so late ago.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons, A natural perspective, that is and is not!
Sebastian [To OLIVIA] So comes it, lady, you have been mistook: But nature to her bias drew in that. You would have been contracted to a maid; Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived, You are betroth'd both to a maid and man.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. Be not amazed; right noble is his blood. If this be so, as yet the glass seems true, I shall have share in this most happy wreck. (To VIOLA) Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.
Viola And all those sayings will I overswear; And those swearings keep as true in soul As doth that orbed continent the fire That severs day from night.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. Give me thy hand; And let me see thee in thy woman's weeds.
Clown Ay, madam.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. This savours not much of distraction.
Olivia My lord so please you, these things further thought on, To think me as well a sister as a wife, One day shall crown the alliance on't, so please you, Here at my house and at my proper cost.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. Madam, I am most apt to embrace your offer. (To VIOLA) Your master quits you; and for your service done him, So much against the mettle of your sex, So far beneath your soft and tender breeding, And since you call'd me master for so long, Here is my hand: you shall from this time be Your master's mistress.
Olivia A sister! you are she.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. Is this the madman?
Olivia He hath been most notoriously abused.
Duke Orsino
Duke Orsino. Pursue him and entreat him to a peace: He hath not told us of the captain yet: When that is known and golden time convents, A solemn combination shall be made Of our dear souls. Meantime, sweet sister, We will not part from hence. Cesario, come; For so you shall be, while you are a man; But when in other habits you are seen, Orsino's mistress and his fancy's queen.