Sir Toby Belch Come thy ways, Signior Fabian.
Fabian
Fabian. Nay, I'll come: if I lose a scruple of this sport, let me be boiled to death with melancholy.
Fabian A servant of Olivia's household drawn into the plot against Malvolio. Comedy · Twelfth Night
Fabian's lines in Twelfth Night
memorizeshakespeare.com/plays/twelfth-night/character/fabian/lines
Sir Toby Belch Wouldst thou not be glad to have the niggardly rascally sheep-biter come by some notable shame?
Fabian
Fabian. I would exult, man: you know, he brought me out o' favour with my lady about a bear-baiting here.
Sir Toby Belch Here's an overweening rogue!
Fabian
Fabian. O, peace! Contemplation makes a rare turkey-cock of him: how he jets under his advanced plumes!
Sir Andrew Fie on him, Jezebel!
Fabian
Fabian. O, peace! now he's deeply in: look how imagination blows him.
Sir Toby Belch Fire and brimstone!
Fabian
Fabian. O, peace, peace!
Sir Toby Belch Bolts and shackles!
Fabian
Fabian. O peace, peace, peace! now, now.
Sir Toby Belch Shall this fellow live?
Fabian
Fabian. Though our silence be drawn from us with cars, yet peace.
Sir Toby Belch Out, scab!
Fabian
Fabian. Nay, patience, or we break the sinews of our plot.
Malvolio What employment have we here?
Fabian
Fabian. Now is the woodcock near the gin.
Malvolio [Reads] 'To the unknown beloved, this, and my good wishes:'--her very phrases! By your leave, wax. Soft! and the impressure her Lucrece, with which she uses to seal: 'tis my lady. To whom should this be?
Fabian
Fabian. This wins him, liver and all.
Malvolio ([Reads]) I may command where I adore; But silence, like a Lucrece knife, With bloodless stroke my heart doth gore: M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.
Fabian
Fabian. A fustian riddle!
Malvolio 'M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.' Nay, but first, let me see, let me see, let me see.
Fabian
Fabian. What dish o' poison has she dressed him!
Sir Toby Belch O, ay, make up that: he is now at a cold scent.
Fabian
Fabian. Sowter will cry upon't for all this, though it be as rank as a fox.
Malvolio M,--Malvolio; M,--why, that begins my name.
Fabian
Fabian. Did not I say he would work out? the cur is excellent at faults.
Malvolio M,--but then there is no consonancy in the sequel; that suffers under probation A should follow but O does.
Fabian
Fabian. And O shall end, I hope.
Malvolio And then I comes behind.
Fabian
Fabian. Ay, an you had any eye behind you, you might see more detraction at your heels than fortunes before you.
Malvolio 'Thou canst not choose but know who I am. If thou entertainest my love, let it appear in thy smiling; thy smiles become thee well; therefore in my presence still smile, dear my sweet, I prithee.' Jove, I thank thee: I will smile; I will do everything that thou wilt have me.
Fabian
Fabian. I will not give my part of this sport for a pension of thousands to be paid from the Sophy.
Sir Andrew Nor I neither.
Fabian
Fabian. Here comes my noble gull-catcher.
Sir Toby Belch Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.
Fabian
Fabian. You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.
Sir Andrew As plain as I see you now.
Fabian
Fabian. This was a great argument of love in her toward you.
Sir Andrew 'Slight, will you make an ass o' me?
Fabian
Fabian. I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of judgment and reason.
Sir Toby Belch And they have been grand-jury-men since before Noah was a sailor.
Fabian
Fabian. She did show favour to the youth in your sight only to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour, to put fire in your heart and brimstone in your liver. You should then have accosted her; and with some excellent jests, fire-new from the mint, you should have banged the youth into dumbness.
This was looked for at your hand, and this was balked: the double gilt of this opportunity you let time wash off, and you are now sailed into the north of my lady's opinion; where you will hang like an icicle on a Dutchman's beard, unless you do redeem it by some laudable attempt either of valour or policy.
Sir Toby Belch Why, then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis of valour. Challenge me the count's youth to fight with him; hurt him in eleven places: my niece shall take note of it; and assure thyself, there is no love-broker in the world can more prevail in man's commendation with woman than report of valour.
Fabian
Fabian. There is no way but this, Sir Andrew.
Sir Toby Belch We'll call thee at the cubiculo: go.
Fabian
Fabian. This is a dear manikin to you, Sir Toby.
Sir Toby Belch I have been dear to him, lad, some two thousand strong, or so.
Fabian
Fabian. We shall have a rare letter from him: but you'll not deliver't?
Sir Toby Belch Never trust me, then; and by all means stir on the youth to an answer. I think oxen and wainropes cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were opened, and you find so much blood in his liver as will clog the foot of a flea, I'll eat the rest of the anatomy.
Fabian
Fabian. And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage no great presage of cruelty.
Sir Toby Belch I bid you never, sir: but yet, I'll — Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound. My niece is already in the belief that he's mad: we may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on him: at which time we will bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a finder of madmen. But see, see.
Fabian
Fabian. More matter for a May morning.
Sir Andrew Here is the challenge, read it: I warrant there's vinegar and pepper in't.
Fabian
Fabian. Is't so saucy?
Sir Toby Belch Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion himself possessed him, yet I'll speak to him.
Fabian
Fabian. Here he is, here he is. How is't with you, sir? how is't with you, man?
Maria La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes it at heart! Pray God, he be not bewitched!
Fabian
Fabian. Carry his water to the wise woman.
Sir Toby Belch How now, art thou mad? Or man's name! Prithee, hold thy peace; this is not the way: do you not see you move him? let me alone with him.
Fabian
Fabian. No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is rough, and will not be roughly used.
Sir Toby Belch Is't possible?
Fabian
Fabian. If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction.
Maria Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint.
Fabian
Fabian. Why, we shall make him mad indeed.
Sir Toby Belch Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound. My niece is already in the belief that he's mad: we may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on him: at which time we will bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a finder of madmen. But see, but see.
Fabian
Fabian. More matter for a May morning.
Sir Andrew Here's the challenge, read it: warrant there's vinegar and pepper in't.
Fabian
Fabian. Is't so saucy?
Sir Toby Belch 'Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.'
Fabian
Fabian. Good, and valiant.
Sir Toby Belch [Reads] 'Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't.'
Fabian
Fabian. A good note; that keeps you from the blow of the law.
Sir Toby Belch [Reads] 'Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy throat; that is not the matter I challenge thee for.'
Fabian
Fabian. Very brief, and to exceeding good sense--less.
Sir Toby Belch [Reads] 'I will waylay thee going home; where if it be thy chance to kill me,'--
Fabian
Fabian. Good.
Sir Toby Belch [Reads] 'Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.'
Fabian
Fabian. Still you keep o' the windy side of the law: good.
Sir Toby Belch But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable report of valour; and drive the gentleman, as I know his youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury and impetuosity. This will so fright them both that they will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices.
Fabian
Fabian. Here he comes with your niece: give them way till he take leave, and presently after him.
Viola Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?
Fabian
Fabian. I know the knight is incensed against you, even to a mortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more.
Viola I beseech you, what manner of man is he?
Fabian
Fabian. Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by his form, as you are like to find him in the proof of his valour. He is, indeed, sir, the most skilful, bloody and fatal opposite that you could possibly have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk towards him? I will make your peace with him if I can.
Sir Toby Belch I have his horse to take up the quarrel: I have persuaded him the youth's a devil.
Fabian
Fabian. He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants and looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels.
Viola ([Aside]) Pray God, defend me! A little thing would make me tell them how much I lack of a man.
Fabian
Fabian. Give ground, if you see him furious.
Sir Toby Belch Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.
Fabian
Fabian. O good Sir Toby, hold! here come the officers.
Sir Toby Belch A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than a hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving his friend here in necessity and denying him; and for his cowardship, ask Fabian.
Fabian
Fabian. A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.
Sir Andrew An I do not,--
Fabian
Fabian. Come, let's see the event.
First line of the scene
Fabian
Fabian. Now, as thou lovest me, let me see his letter.
Clown Good Master Fabian, grant me another request.
Fabian
Fabian. Any thing.
Clown Do not desire to see this letter.
Fabian
Fabian. This is, to give a dog, and in recompense desire my dog again.
Olivia Read it you, sirrah. (To FABIAN)
Fabian
Fabian. [Reads] 'By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and the world shall know it: though you have put me into darkness and given your drunken cousin rule over me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as your ladyship.
I have your own letter that induced me to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt not but to do myself much right, or you much shame. Think of me as you please. I leave my duty a little unthought of and speak out of my injury. THE MADLY-USED MALVOLIO.'
Olivia Prithee, be content: This practise hath most shrewdly pass'd upon thee; But when we know the grounds and authors of it, Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge Of thine own cause.
Fabian
Fabian. Good madam, hear me speak, And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come Taint the condition of this present hour, Which I have wonder'd at.
In hope it shall not, Most freely I confess, myself and Toby Set this device against Malvolio here, Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts We had conceived against him: Maria writ The letter at Sir Toby's great importance; In recompense whereof he hath married her.
How with a sportful malice it follow'd, May rather pluck on laughter than revenge; If that the injuries be justly weigh'd That have on both sides pass'd.